Teaching good manners, or akhlaaq, to Muslim children is one of the most important aspects of Islamic parenting. Not only are good manners part of everyday social interactions, but in Islam, they hold a special place as a religious duty. As Muslim parents, we have the responsibility of raising children who are respectful, kind, and mindful of others—qualities that are strongly emphasized in the Quran and Sunnah. But how exactly can we go about this in a practical way, especially in today’s world?
Let’s explore some effective strategies for instilling good manners in Muslim children, rooted in Islamic teachings and everyday experiences.
Good manners in Islam are more than just being polite—they are part of our religious obligations. The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “There is nothing heavier on the scales on the Day of Judgment than good manners” (Tirmidhi). This shows that akhlaaq is not just a cultural expectation but something we will be held accountable for. By teaching our children good manners, we are fulfilling a religious duty that will benefit them in both this life and the Hereafter.
Manners form the foundation of a child’s character. Before Islamic scholars dive into teaching children academic knowledge, they focus on adab—manners. Why? Because character is the heart of a person’s identity. A well-mannered child is one who will navigate life’s challenges with wisdom, empathy, and integrity.
When children are taught to be kind, respectful, and empathetic, it fosters peaceful and respectful interactions, both at home and in the wider community. Manners are essential for harmonious family life, strong friendships, and positive contributions to society.
Children are always watching and absorbing their parents’ behavior. If we want our children to say “please” and “thank you,” we need to use these phrases ourselves. If we want them to speak kindly, we need to do the same, especially in moments of frustration. It’s not just about telling them what to do—it’s about modeling the behavior we want to see. As parents, we set the tone.
When children exhibit good manners, make sure to acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement is powerful. Praise them when they share their toys, help their siblings, or show respect to their elders. A simple “I’m proud of you for being so kind” can make them feel valued and encourage them to continue practicing good manners.
The Quran is a wonderful resource for teaching manners. For example, Surah Al-Isra (17:24) reminds us of the importance of being humble and respectful to our parents. Incorporating these lessons into everyday life helps children see the connection between their actions and their faith. You can choose a verse or story from the Quran each week and discuss its message as a family.
It’s easier to teach manners by focusing on one thing at a time. Maybe this week it’s learning to greet others with “Assalamu Alaikum” or practicing saying “thank you” when someone helps them. Write down the specific manner you’re working on and display it somewhere in your home as a gentle reminder.
Good manners can be reinforced through extended family and community interactions. Encourage your children to show respect and kindness to everyone, not just at home. When they spend time with relatives or friends, remind them that their behavior reflects not only their upbringing but also their Islamic values.
Additionally, using Islamic books focused on akhlaaq can make learning fun. Books like “A to Z of Akhlaaq” use engaging stories to teach important values in a way that children enjoy.
Raising children to have good manners in today’s society can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. Children may pick up behaviors from school, media, or peers that don’t align with Islamic values. In these moments, it’s important to address their behavior with patience and compassion, rather than harshness. The Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) himself was known for his patience and gentle approach, even when correcting others.
If your child makes a mistake or acts rudely, instead of immediate punishment, take the time to explain why the behavior is wrong and how they can correct it. This approach not only helps them understand the consequences of their actions but also teaches them how to self-correct in the future.
Teaching good manners to Muslim children is a lifelong process that requires patience, dedication, and a strong sense of purpose. By modeling good behavior, using the Quran as a guide, involving the community, and responding to challenges with understanding, we can raise children who not only fulfill their religious obligations but also become kind and respectful individuals. In doing so, we contribute to a more harmonious family and a morally upright society—one rooted in the values of respect, empathy, and love for others.
After all, good manners are not just about making life smoother—they are part of what makes us good Muslims. Let’s make the teaching of akhlaaq a priority in our homes, and watch as our children grow into well-rounded, respectful individuals, InshaAllah.